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the darker side of us

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Write some dreams you've had about suicide: [Tuesday
July 26th, 2005]

ghostly_secrets
I'm walking on a cliff, and i'm singing this lullaby to myself, and i get to the top of the cliff and i see this guy i love with some girl, and i look over the cliff and down below is the sea, and jagged rocks all over the place, and i jump, and as i'm falling, my arms are stretched out like i'm trying to fly, about 5m from death, i woke up! ..........what annoys me about dreams is that it's true, you can't get physically hurt in a dream, you always wake up, or before you get hurt it like switches the scene to everything after you've been hurt and you have to like use your imagination to know how you got that way.
Another dream i had, was that i was riding on my skateboard, and i had these 3 letters in my pocket, one to this guy (i was riding around out the front of his house on the road), one to my family, and one to my friends, and i'm riding and i see this car, and i stopped and moved off the road, and when it was like 10m away i moved back onto the road and headed straight for the car, and i saw just these two headlights, then everything went black as it switched scenes (back to what i said before, i didn't see myself get hurt) and then i'm lying on the road, and the driver was getting out of the car and hysterically running towards me hoping i'm ok, and he, or she, can't remember, knelt beside me, and i said: "thank you!" and then bam, i closed my eyes for a second and then i woke up. Guess you can't even die in a dream, so i'll never know what would of happened to me.
Dreams are such interesting things!!!!!
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[Thursday
July 21st, 2005]

here_is_now
yer so we have 4 members.... its all good.... cud b better.... i kinda feel stoopid for being the only one that posts.... so post away people... its not like anyone else is.... so heres my lil thing.... i have liked this guy called cameron for about 4 months and we got really close even the bestest of friends which isnt exactially a good thing i know but then history started to repeat itself.... and now he is going out with one of my friends and then he started to fight with my other bestie claire who hates him and he hates her and then i started to fight with the both of them for fighting with each other and then it it ended up with me and cam not being friends cuz i didnt want me heart broken anymore and then it was like we both didnt want to it was kinda like a bad break up and i was like argggggggggggg and we both just ended up crying and sad and yer and i cuddnt b fucked to put all the detail in cuz i dnno i cant b bothered so yer thats yesterday and today... so now im just fucked again

love ur mod
(even though im not really doing anything)

loui
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[Tuesday
July 5th, 2005]

here_is_now
Blow the last candle out. Let the wax harden
I wish I could stop crying. And I wish that someone still loved me
Just breathe and focus. How can I when the air is so cold and empty,
That my lungs froze right in my chest.
I'll be honest the silver linings are getting harder and harder to manufacture
And the smiles are so difficult to fake.
What do I have to do, or who do I have to kill, to get what I want. What I need
Happiness is an emotion I was born to this world without,
nothing pleases me. And i can never be satiated.
Through this toil I will breed my own distress and destroy my best hopes,
fuck up the only things that I love.
I watched my aspirations crashing to the ground, on the backs of the angels that I've slain.
But I meant so well, I tried so hard, gave everyting in my soul, to what end, to what end
Desolation, desire, exhale, pass away.
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1dt entrie [Sunday
July 3rd, 2005]

here_is_now

Swim through these waters
My lungs collapse as I'm gasping for air
I'll breathe you in
You are my oxygen alone

Through arteries untold, your skin is pale, my body's cold
Way down, deep down in my lungs
I can hear our sweet decay

Everyone and everything feels like it slips away
Way down deep down in my lungs, I can hear you as you fade

So spill my blood SO SPILL MY BLOOD
Midnight skies turn scarlet red
Say "so long," say "goodnight," and just hold out your hand
To catch me if I fall into the night

Wake me up from this nightmare
Wake me up, I know that i am drowning in the blood
Wake me up from this nightmare
Wake me up, I know I am drowning in the blood from a pitch black heart
Cut my throat
Spill my blood
Cut my throat
Spill my blood
Pitch black heart

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